Don't Just "Get Over It"

“I believe that the movement to use fatshion to forcefully insert ourselves into mainstream culture happens in three stages: being seen, standing out and getting loud.” – Lesley Kinzel

A few months ago, a friend of mine had a bit of a go at me about my stance on body positivity and body shaming (mind you, this friend has enjoyed not only thin privilege her entire life, but also a beauty that has placed her at a huge advantage in the world). Exasperated, she said something along the lines of, “Who cares? No one cares about your body shape, so just get over it”.

I was pretty gutted.

I’ve been in something of a quandary since those words. I’ve questioned my blog and I’ve been pretty quiet on Instagram. Maybe no one really does care. Maybe others think my views are silly and trivial. Maybe the solution to fat phobia, body shaming and narrow cultural beauty standards is just to “not think about it”, to let it go, stop talking about it and quit the discourse. To just have an attitude of “she’ll be right, mate”, or “first world problems” and forget about it.

Um, how about no?

Having experienced poor body image firsthand, seeing it everyday at school in my students and even in my friends and family, I see how body loathing can cripple the confidence and self worth of women and girls.

Today I watched the dismay on a friend’s face as she told me about her already-thin nine-year-old niece being happy over losing weight and “getting skinnier”.

Today another friend (who gets mistaken for a supermodel) was scared to go to a party where she knew the other girls would be skinnier than she.

This is why, when my friend says to me “no one cares” I wonder what world she’s living in. Because in my world, I have these reminders every day that women suffer under our culture’s narrow beauty standards, where fat is terrifying and even thin women fear their bodies because of other thinner women and because being fat is an ever looming threat. No one is immune to THE FAT! Haha. 

That’s why I think it’s so important to bring these issues out into the light and not be afraid to be fierce. Tess Munster posts a photo of herself in a bikini on Instagram and people freak out. It makes people uncomfortable, it attracts haters and concern trolling. I think it’s time to begin to ask ourselves why people react so strongly to these images. How is Tess Munster in a bikini taking away from your quality of life? That’s right. IT DOESN’T.

“The bodies we do not value, we fear” – Lesley Kinzel. Our culture does not value fat bodies, and so we fear them. Fear or jealousy is at the heart of hatred. Every time.

Thinness is not a virtue. It doesn’t make you a better person. And yet all my life I truly believed that I was inferior to anyone slimmer than me. 

Why, as a child, did I believe that? Why did I continue to believe that as a teenager, and even into my early twenties?

As women, our worth is very much linked to our appearance, and that is a crippling notion. One day, I might have a daughter who will have to navigate these cultural norms for herself, and I don’t want her to be discouraged and broken because of them. I don’t want her to see diet ads that say, “Lose weight now and get your life back”. I want her to know that being plus size doesn’t need to take away from your quality of life, your beauty and your worth. I don’t want her look upon plus size bodies with fear, but with acceptance. 

How can that happen if I just “get over it” and don’t talk about it?

Lesley Kinzel said in her book Two Whole Cakes, “We are told that being seen is the right of those who diet and exercise, who otherwise put effort into meeting the ideal, surgically if necessary, even if the ideal can never be met. How often have you heard someone say of a non-slender woman in a too-tight skirt or a too-revealing blouse, ‘No one wants to see that’? Her insistence on being seen is practically an assault…Standing out is an act of bravado.”

If you are a plus size blogger, don’t underestimate the power you have had in my life, and in the world. When we wear bikinis, bodycon, stripes and miniskirts, it’s resistance and fighting.

The other day I wore a crop top that said “F*CK FLATTERING”. I wore it to TGIF for Thursday night drinks. Before I even got to the bar, I sat in the car for about ten minutes TERRIFIED to get out. No one could have known that making that clothing choice was one of the bravest things I’ve ever done. I eventually took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. I kept my head down for the entire walk to the bar! My friends loved it and once I’d had a few drinks, I felt like I’d painted my face blue and could leap around the bar yelling “FREEDOM!” hahaha! It was powerful because it took courage.

So what am I trying to say?

“In reality, different bodies look, move, and function in different ways and difference itself ought not to be a source of shame. Yet cultural beauty standards seem hell-bent on erasing the unique quirks of these individual differences in favor of one body, one face, one skin tone, one ideal. One single point of comparison for us all” (Kinzel)

I wont accept that. I have no intention of setting up a crate and microphone in the mall and giving lectures, or being all like “hey, lets talk about beauty standards” with my friends. But what I am going to do is wear what I want without apology, encourage friends who verbalise their insecurities, keep writing a body positive blog and call out body shaming when I see it.

I’m sure as hell not going to just “get over it”.