Shopping for a formal dress as a size 24 teenager is still a memory I'd sooner forget.
Don't get me wrong, Dawn (my mum) was super supportive about it. She knew it was going to be hard to find something, so she took charge and we powered through our shopping day. Whenever I started to feel disheartened, she boldly told me not to worry.
Dawn took me to every plus size store in Adelaide.
We didn't find anything.
Do you know what the biggest problem was? I refused to wear a sleeveless dress. Try finding a sleeveless formal dress! Boleros/shrugs weren't a common item back then, either. I tried on some frocks that weren't too bad, but they were sleeveless.
In the end, I found a black top in David Jones that had black sheer sleeves. Then Dawn had a long red satin skirt made for me, which was actually quite luxurious with it's sheer black overlay.
I didn't feel too shabby. My friends told me I looked great. I felt okay and was accepted by my classmates. I certainly didn't feel like the belle of the ball, but I didn't feel like I stood out either.
Looking back at the photos, I realize how "mother of the bride" my outfit was. I find it difficult not to feel sad about it. I feel sad that I felt like I had to cover my fat body. I feel sad that I was so ashamed of my arms. I feel sad that "the formal dress experience" was so difficult and basically average for me. But I also feel a great deal of love and appreciation for my mum, who did her best to make the experience as good as it could be. I feel thankful that my friends and classmates were absolutely lovely to me.
I feel happy that plus size fashion has come such a long way. I recently read The Curvy Fashionista's blog post about plus size prom dress ideas and I felt such enormous relief that teenage plus size girls needn't worry anymore. Thank God for online shopping!
It might sound silly, but finding the perfect formal dress is so important in a girl's life. It's a rite of passage and affirmation of your femininity and womanhood. In a culture where fatness is perceived as anti-feminine, not being able to find a beautiful formal dress as a fat teenager just confirmed to me the belief that I wasn't the "woman" I should have been. As a result of this, I spent many of my teenage years in "boyish" clothes. I lived in t-shirts and cargo pants. I felt more comfortable this way because I felt unfeminine. My weight had a big part to play in those feelings.
These feelings didn't change overnight, but as brands like City Chic and Urbane started to emerge, I started to feel more included in the fashion industry. I started to experiment with make-up and take pride in my appearance. In the years since high school I have learned that fat women can be sexy and desirable - a realization that has continued to prove dead right in the following years.
Looking back at this photo makes realize that I really don't feel like my weight takes away from my quality of life or happiness in any way anymore. And I think that's worth celebrating!
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