Dressed Like A Slut

I came across this passage in Emily Maguire's Your Skirt's Too Short:

I really love the part that reads, "Amongst the women I know there is absolutely no way you could guess who has slept with the most men simply by looking." 

When I was a teenager, I was very judgmental about how other girls dressed. Looking back, I realise that I was judgmental because the girls I judged to be "sluts" had something I didn't - a thin body (which they were allowed to flaunt), male attention and confidence. I don't know if it's a part of growing up and learning, but I'm happy to say that I'm not that girl anymore - the one who grew up so sheltered and scared of the world that the only way I could make sense of it all was by being critical of others and holding onto my own self-righteousness.

In this chapter of the book, Maguire examines the meaning of the word "slut" and comes to the conclusion that it means "to have more sexual partners than the user of the term finds acceptable". According to that standard, I know plenty of people that would believe more than one sexual partner is not acceptable! It still totally amazes me that double standards exist where men and women are concerned; that a promiscuous woman is called a slut and a promiscuous male is just "going through that stage" or "sewing his wild oats before he has to settle down". 

I was listening in on a conversation between two women a while ago. One was telling the other about her one-night-stands. The response to this was, "You're just being used." The promiscuous one, slightly perplexed, replied, "But I'm using them just as much as they're using me!" And she makes a good point! The implication is that women are the passive ones, not really enjoying the sex, but doing it out of "low self-esteem". The promiscuous woman went on to explain that she wasn't hooking up with "predators" - they were young adults who were always respectful, lovely, funny and great fun to be around. Her point was - she had the discretion to choose who she wanted, and her instincts hadn't let her down thus far. What a way to look at it!

Maguire argues that to go with the belief that sex should be used by women to "bait men into a relationship" and that women need to make men "work for sex" and use sex to get love, then you must also believe that men are "emotionless and valueless and will say and do anything for a root, and that women's only 'power' lies in controlling access to our vaginas. It also ignores the fact that, sometimes, what 'we women' want men to 'give' us is a bout of hot mutually-satisfying, manipulation-free sex."

I just love Maguire's book because she's really challenged my thinking about this stuff.

I'm not going to use the word "slut" anymore to describe how someone chooses to dress or how many sexual partners they've had. Judgmental Sophie needs to sit down.