If I Had A Magic Wand...

Headscarf: Oh Honey Hush (Etsy)

In response to blogging about being body positive regardless of size, a friend of mine asked me rather skeptically, "Don't tell me that if you had a magic wand, you wouldn't make yourself skinny." I laughed nervously. I didn't really know what to say. Would I make myself skinny? 

Truth be told, I've spent a lot of my life dreaming about that wand. Kate Harding of Shapely Prose calls it The Fantasy Of Being Thin.

From my high school years, right up to my mid twenties, these thoughts consumed me:

1. When I'm thin, I'll be able to get a boyfriend and be married one day
2. When I'm thin, I'll be confident
3. When I'm thin, I'll be able to shop at any women's clothing store I want
4. When I'm thin, I'll feel sexy
5. When I'm thin, I'll feel useful and lead a more fulfilling life
6. When I'm thin, there will be no stopping me
7. When I'm thin, people will have respect for me and include me more; I'll have a voice
8. When I'm thin, I'll love myself and be happy with who I am

 Things I've learned while being fat:

1. I don't need to be thin to be loved by a man. I learned there were men out there who loved plus size bodies the same way that other men liked redheads or long legs. But I also learned that a man could love me in spite of my body, and find me sexy because of who I am as a person and how I carry myself.
2. I don't need to be thin to be confident. Confidence doesn't come from being thin; it comes from believing in yourself.
3. I don't need to be thin to dress the way I want, and there are enough plus size options out there to keep a thrilling and exciting wardrobe worth drooling over.
4. I don't need to be thin to be sexy. Curvy bodies are womanly, voluptuous, soft, strong and arousing! 
5. I don't need to be thin to feel useful and fulfilled. Last year I single-handedly organised my ten year high school reunion, which was a huge success. I have completed uni and am now in my dream job - Secondary Education! I'm in a fulfilling relationship. I have some wonderful friends and a supportive family. I am independent.
6. I don't need to be thin to do what I want. I've worn a bikini, started a second job as a freelance DJ, hit the town every Saturday for two years where I snogged lots of hot boys and danced the night away! I've gone sleeveless, worn mini skirts, gone on roller-coasters, initiated conversations with new people and thrown myself into the dating scene. I started a blog!
7. I don't need to be thin to gain people's respect. People respect you when you show integrity, kindness and good heartedness. Most people are generally good and will warm up to you when you take initiative to be friendly.
8. I don't need to be thin to love myself. When you choose to focus on the positive things and honor your body for what it has done for you rather than its flaws, it is possible to make peace with your body and even begin to love it. I also realised that I actually like who I am as a person. I'm not perfect, but I do value myself.

I have become the person I had always fantasized about being! Being thin wasn't the solution to becoming the kind of person that I wanted to be.

So to answer the question, if I had a magic wand, would I use it to become skinny? 

Honestly?

I'd probably wish to be a size 14 so I could fit into the clothes at Dangerfield, but still have some kick-ass curves!


But at the end of the day, that wand simply doesn't exist, and it never will. And I will never get back those years that I wasted lamenting over the Fantasy Of Being Thin. What I have now is the body that I'm in.