Fat Jokes on Facebook

Today I came across a fat joke on my Facebook newsfeed. Obviously, being a joke, it was meant to be funny, but I didn't take it that way. Matter of fact, I was deeply offended by it! The person who wrote it is an old acquaintance that I don't really see anymore, and HE'S NOT A BAD BLOKE, which is why I'm still friends with him on Facebook. 

FAT JOKES FROM NICE PEOPLE ARE SOMETIMES THE MOST DAMAGING, because those people set an example for others in their circle. 

Since he was an acquaintance, I thought about two possible responses: I could delete him, or I could "set him straight" and actually explain to him how his thoughtless comment made me feel. Here's a screen shot of how that played out:

(I used this article heavily in my answer, if you're interested)

The reason I had such an aversion to it is because it highlights two highly offensive and false beliefs about fat people:

1. give any fat person a box of chocolates and they'll scoff it down real quick (I have never eaten a box of chocolates in one sitting in my life)
2. fat people will die before non-fat people

After this, he sent another comment that certainly made light of the topic - a few "haha's" and a comment about there being a lot of assumptions in my comment, asked me if I knew of any medical journals to support my argument, and then finished with a joke about fat people dying an early, marshmallow, chocolate covered death (which I agreed would be a good way to go). I linked him to the Junkfood Science blog, Obesity Paradox and the medical journal it discusses. I apologised for coming on so strong, but that it was a topic I was very passionate about. 

Then I went for a ride on my bicycle, followed by a swim. When I got back, he had deleted the entire thing (which is why I wasn't able to screen shot the other comments). 

Fatties for the win?

I wanted to discuss this here because on my anger-fueled bicycle ride, it suddenly occurred to me that I'm going to have to have these arguments for the rest of my life. Fat shaming is probably not going to end in my lifetime. But I can play my part. Will I get tired? Probably. But I'm also really excited about the body confidence and fat acceptance movement. And let me tell you - as my body confidence has skyrocketed since beginning this blog and reading other plus size blogs, I've never felt so inspired to be active and healthy. 

If you are on Instagram, you need to check out the @honorcurves movement and the #effyourbeautystandards movement. It's so important to be supportive of other women and be exposed to beautiful bodies of all shapes and sizes.

How do you respond to fat jokes/insults? Would love to hear your comments.

No Diet Talk

 

"The way I see it, 99.9999999% of the world around me is a space where diet talk is not only normal but an insidious disease festering inside the relationships between women folk that masquerades as bonding."- Natalie Perkins

Yes, yes, yes! I love it when you read something like this and suddenly a light bulb goes on in your brain because someone was able to articulate a feeling you've always had but never been able to put into words. While I don't think that all of my "diet talk" has been an "insidious disease", it has been clear to me at times that a lot of diet talk that happens with certain friends and in the staff room has other hidden motives. It's either just plain smug (women love to show off their self-control) or it's to normalise our body dissatisfaction with each other. I've also noticed that when we are seen to be eating something "naughty" we feel the need to justify our choices; "I'm going to the gym tonight"; "Today is treat day"; "I have PMS"; "I'm having a bad day". Why is it that when I line up at McDonalds, I feel the need to turn around to the other people in the line and say, "I don't eat here often! Really!" as though my body is their business.

Aside from all of that, diet talk is boring as shit. Actually no, it's not boring as shit. It's more boring than shit. 'Cause poo is always funny.

Halter Zip Collar Dress

City Chic's Halter Zip Collar Dress is my favourite thing at the moment.

 

Photo taken from the City Chic Facebook page

I've never seen another little black dress quite like it. The collar is AMAZING and I'm thinking about wearing a bow tie with it at some point too! I also think it's quite reasonably priced at $99.95. It has boning in the bodice, so it sits really nicely over my bust. In the City Chic photo, the model is wearing the zip down a little, but I preferred it done all the way up on me.

Last night I went to a fundraiser for bowel cancer. The theme was "Little Black Dress", so I had the perfect opportunity to wear it!

 

Here are some photos I took at home before I left the house.

The event turned out to be a bit of a "family affair", as my sister was there doing make up for her salon Chi, my father was the DJ and my mum was my hot date! My mother is also wearing City Chic here, and it's actually my dress, but I think it looks better on her! I really had to convince her to wear it. The dress does accentuate your curves (in a flattering way) and she was nervous about that. The whole conversation around it really made me realise how the women in my family need to be more body confident! I don't think I've ever seen my mum look more sexy.

During the night I was feeling adventurous, so I went to the make-up artist and asked her for the black Lime Crime lipstick. She paired it with some white eyeliner. 

 

This was me in the bathroom after, in fits of laughter because of how I looked! 

I was actually a little nervous about going to this event because I'm a plus size girl, but at the same time it was important to me to go and stand tall, be confident and show people that I'm not ashamed of my weight.

My dad played heaps of 90s dance music at the end, so I got to shake my booty too! When I got home, I was a little drunk so I went to bed with my make-up on. Needless to say, I woke up looking like a Disney Villain.

A Blog about the Blog: Blogception

“A woman wins by giving herself and other women permission – to eat; to be sexual; to age… A woman wins when she feels that what each woman does with her own body – unforced, uncoerced – is her own business.” – Naomi Wolf

Why begin Modish Maracas?

Firstly, I fell in love with the plus size blogger community and body acceptance movement and wanted in. Secondly, I felt that I could contribute to it - to influence my little piece of the world and hopefully be a point of connection for plus size readers from Adelaide, Australia.

This is my explanation post, the one to describe the ideology behind my blog and why I believe the way I do.

It began with a passion for fashion, beauty and writing (and music, hence the “maracas” part of the name), and I wanted a little piece of the Internet to be able to express that freely. I never set out with the intention of making money from my blog, or publicizing it. I just wanted to “put myself out there”. I never set out with the intention of having a niche plus size blog, either. To be honest, I had an idea for a blog post about Doc Marten shoes, and it grew from there.

As the posts have come together, it’s naturally gravitated toward a plus size focus, as though my entire life and who I am has led me to this, like it’s been sitting dormant and now is bursting to get out. Initially I struggled to come up with ideas for posts. Now, it’s pouring out of me. I didn’t realize I’d have so much to say on the matter.

I probably need to begin by saying that I have always been fat. I have never been slim. The smallest I’ve been in my adult life is a size 14-16. The biggest I’ve been is 24. Currently I’m an 18 (Australian sizing). I’m not going to go into the psychology and health history of why I'm a big girl. That’s no one’s business but mine. What I am going to go into is what life has been like for me, how it has changed over the years, and what my blog has to do with that.

There have been times when I’ve really struggled with the idea of writing a blog about me, full of photos of me.  Me, me, me. Was I being narcissistic in doing this? This question no longer plagues me because this blog, and reading other plus size blogs, has taught me how to value myself, which is a major deal after 27 years of shame and guilt. As Naomi Wolf puts it, “A woman-loving definition of beauty supplants…narcissism with self-love.” This blog is not about bragging about how good I am. This blog is about me learning to love and accept myself.

If you are reading this and thinking, “You shouldn’t accept the way you are! You need to lose weight! It’s not healthy!” then let me answer you by saying this: No one really has the right to comments about MY health. I try to eat a balanced diet and exercise regularly (but you'll only find real butter in my fridge). If someone were to follow me around and watch what I eat during the day, I would not be ashamed of what I put in my mouth. If there is any area of excess in my life - it's with alcohol, not food! I love wine. There are times when I make unhealthy decisions. I'm not ashamed of that either; it's a part of life and I don't waste time feeling ashamed of it. My goal is to be healthy, not chase after a number on the scales or the fantasy of being thin. Secondly, I have a mirror. I know I am fat and I have doctors to tell me about my health. I don’t need anyones diagnosis based on my appearance. Does being fat mean that I shouldn’t love myself or enjoy my body? If people are so worried about my health, they should remember that it’s easier for me to lose weight when I’m positive and happy than when I’m depressed and ashamed. Just because I am not a size 10, doesn’t mean I have any less of a life to live. Beth Ditto said,“I have no control over what people think of me but I have 100% control of what I think of myself”. This blog is about changing how I think of myself.

Retraining your mind is tiring. Years of my mother telling me to “suck in” when a photo was being taken, overhearing my father tell a family friend he was surprised I got the job because of my weight, having my brother announce to my year 4 class that I had joined Weight Watchers (and incessantly calling me “fatty boombah” - sigh), looking at another accessories stand while my friends shopped for clothes in regular shops, suffering verbal abuse from drunk strangers on Hindley Street…that stuff doesn’t just “go away”. It shapes who you are and what you think of yourself. But the worst voice of all has been my own. All my life, because of my weight, I have truly believed myself to be inferior to anyone slimmer than me.What a load of shit! As an adult, I consider it to be my responsibility to fix it. This blog is a part of that process.

What I really want for myself is to look in the mirror and accept what I see wholeheartedly NOW. Not later, when that roll of fat on my arm is gone, or when I reach that dream goal weight. Just for today, I’d like to look in the mirror and not see all the baggage I have carried around in my heart upon viewing my reflection.

Naomi Wolf wrote in The Beauty Myth, “The woman wins who calls herself beautiful and challenges the world to change to truly see her.” That’s what this blog is doing; I am challenging the world to truly see me!

Thanks for reading x

Feather Play Maxi Dress

I'm only working part-time this term so I've been trying to avoid City Chic to save money, but I still check online for the new stock every week just to see if there's any standout pieces that I MUST have. This one was a no-brainer for me. I dashed to the shops straight after work to try it on, and I didn't even put it on layby. I handed over my card and pushed away the guilt. 

To be honest, my favourite thing about maxi dresses is that if you don't have time to shave your legs in the morning, it's okay, because no one will be the wiser (admit it, girls!). There's also something amazing about wearing a garment that covers most of your body, but you can still remain totally cool in summer, and look lovely. 

What stood out to me about this dress wasn't only the dramatic pattern of the black and white against the chartreuse lines, but the unusual strapping on the back. Because my budget can no longer afford City Chic every week, I tend to gravitate towards the pieces that are a little bit different to anything I've seen before. This dress did it for me. I wore it last night to an engagement party and it was perfect for the occasion.

Dress: City Chic "Feather Play Maxi Dress" $129.95

Earrings: Lovisa $14.99

Safari Dress

There's a shop in Adelaide called Nadia's House of Serendipity and although a little pricey, it always has the most interesting and gorgeous vintage threads.

I purchased this dress from there last year and in my mind I call it my Safari Dress because the pattern and the breezy cotton fabric kind of lend itself to that image for me.

I was off to my sister's beauty salon to have my nails done and I threw this on because it was a hot day. Since last time I wore it, I've put on a little weight and I had this moment of dread pulling it over my head, as I wondered how it was going to look. Bizarelly enough, I actually loved how it looked a little more filled out! I like how it clings around my bum and hips! 

So...here's what I wore.

Dress: Thrifted

Shoes: Converse

Lace Collars

When I was a little girl, my mother loved dressing me. I have a lot of memories of her pushing me into changing rooms at boutiques and throwing outfits over the door. I hated it! One of my primary school teachers told me, "You're always so beautifully dressed!" but I really didn't appreciate it and I always felt a little different to the other kids in my quirky secondhand "other era" threads.

I have to chuckle over that now. It's funny how things come full circle. Now she's the one telling me to stop shopping! and asking how many dresses do you have now, exactly?

Here's a photo of me when I was little wearing one of her "weird" outfits at a wedding. I hated this dress, by the way! 

Now fast forward twenty years to this.

Dress: Etsy

Shoes: ASOS

Headband: Diva

Lipstick: Lime Crime

How amazing are these lace collars?

There's a bit of a sad story to this dress. I found it on Etsy. But it was a little too long for my liking so I took it to a tailor. When I got home with the dress, I was devastated. It's far too short and the hem is crooked. Because it's so short now, I can't even fix the crooked hem. I've since learned how to hem my own dresses (you can see how here) but alas, this dress is a casualty. I just can't love it in the same way. But I still try to wear it sometimes, mainly with tights. I included that last photo because I don't usually expose my legs without a spray tan, and I'm trying to relax about that. 

By the way, have you read this month's Cleo? It seems to have come just in the nick of time considering my rant about Cosmo in the previous blog. Read Fashion Haley's blog about it here. It's definitely an encouraging read! That aside, it's actually a huge deal and is a major moment in history for us plus size girls!  

Fat Poems vs. Cosmo

Two poems that changed my life.

I've seen them on other plus size blogs, but I so badly wanted my own post about them.

This one is called Fat Girl, by Megan Falley

 

This one is called 10 Thoughts On Being Loved By A Skinny Boy, by Rachel Wiley

In Rachel Wiley's poem, there's a line that says, "Cosmo, fuck you. I will not take sex tips from you on how to please a man you do not think I deserve." In another version of the poem she changes the line slightly to say, "I will not take sex tips from you on how to please a man that you do not think my body will ever be worthy of." This really confirms some thoughts I've had in the last week about the magazine that I'd like to share.

I've been buying Cosmo for the past two years. A week ago, after reading the latest issue (Dec 2012) I said to my boyfriend, "I don't think I'll buy Cosmo anymore." Confused, he asked me why. I'm still figuring out how to put this into words, but that last issue left a niggling feeling of anger that I've been trying to dissect. Truth be told, there are various reasons: After reading every issue for a year, it begins to repeat itself. The intense focus on sex and fashion starts to lack a certain "depth" that I'm starting to find boring. However, I could deal with that. I don't mind a bit of "light reading" now and again and can even dismiss the sight of Kim Kardashian on the cover, repeatedly. And sometimes I'd rather read about Looking Flawless Post-Flight over social justice issues.

But the real clincher had to do with some of the "sex tips". One of the tips in the article Your A to Z of Orgasms actually recommends faking an orgasm, advising women to not "underestimate the sense of worth it can give a man". A few pages on, in another article entitled 25 Sex Moves He Wishes You'd Do, one of the contributors says, "...it's even more of a turn on if you say something like, 'I can't wait to taste you.' Deep down, guys know semen isn't that appealing - so we love it when you make us feel as though it's the best thing ever." 

How can I even begin to express how much these two "tips" pissed me off? Essentially, they both communicate the same message: A man's pleasure and orgasm is more important than a woman's; we're encouraged to fake orgasms and pretend that swallowing is akin to nectar of the gods. Maybe I'm overreacting, or maybe not. I know that's not necessarily a constant message within the pages of Cosmo, but really? Are the editors that strapped for sexy material?

Despite that, and in relation to fatness, I think it also comes back to what Rachel Wiley said: Cosmo does not make plus size girls feel valued. Fact. We are, for the most part, excluded from that magazine. I feel that by not representing women of different sizes, they are communicating the message that we are not as valued as size 8 girls. I believe this to be wrong. Women don't need to be disempowered and shamed any more than we already have been. I'm so sick of that aspirational ideology of women's magazines ("get flawless skin"; "get the body you deserve"; "make the most of your natural assets") because it promotes the belief that if we, as women, only "try harder", we will "make it", that we are the ones responsible for the "way we are"; we are to blame for being fat, and it's OUR fault; we don't deserve to be able to find clothes in our size in stores. We don't deserve to be heard. We don't deserve happiness, or boyfriends or great sex lives. We aren't equal to "regular" sized girls. Isn't that the subliminal message? Why are we so underrepresented in women's magazines when there's so many of us? It's not enough that "once in while" a plus size model will be "thrown in". On page 242 of the Dec 2012 Cosmo, they have a plus size model in a bathing suit that is clearly too small for her (her C cup breasts seem to be squeezed into what appears to be an A or B cup tankini!). And even at that, the suit is advertised to only go up to size 14. Thanks for throwing us that bone, Cosmo. I'm eternally grateful.

I am aware that Cosmo does occasionally include plus size models and feature body positive articles, but I just don't think it's enough.

Aside from Zoe Foster's monthly column in the magazine (which is brilliant, insightful, dignified, logical and self-affirming), I can honestly say that Cosmo holds no more appeal to me and that I've learned more about fashion, beauty and self-worth from plus size blogs in a week than I have from two years of reading Cosmo.

I'll stick to Frankie.

Porky Pocahontas

 

Pocahontas is my favourite Disney Princess. I've always had a bit of a girl crush on her; it's something about that long black hair, full pout, huge eyes and long legs. Not to mention, she gets to swan about all day in moccasins and bare feet, eating corn fritters and diving off cliffs into crystal clear lakes. I wanted her life, her confidence, her bravery. So when I saw this Indian headdress in Bonnie Wigs in Adelaide Arcade, the cogs in my mind started turning about putting together a Native American costume for upcoming Halloweens and fancy dress parties.

I found the dress on eBay. The brand is InCharacter, it's called Indian Maiden and comes in larger sizes as well. These photos were taken a year ago and I've gone up a dress size since then, so I might get my hands on the plus size version. 

It came with some gorgeous accessories, such as leg warmers, a necklace, arm band, belt and feathered headband. I also wore this dress as Tiger Lilly to a Jinja Safari gig in Adelaide at Rocket Bar. One of their songs is called Peter Pan, so my friends and I dressed up for the occasion.

I can't even express how happy this costume made me! I think I felt more sexy (and comfortable) in this costume than any other outfit I've ever worn. There's something magical about dressing up, and there's so many plus size costumes out there these days.